Things We Never Say Read online

  Mike worked at a small restaurant near Fisherman’s Wharf, and Abbey spotted him almost immediately, carrying a tray of chowder to an outside table.

  She called his name. When he saw her, Mike grimaced.

  ‘Where’s Cobey?’ Abbey didn’t waste time on pleasantries. She’d seen from his expression that he already knew why she was here.

  ‘He’s off working,’ replied Mike.

  ‘I know that!’ cried Abbey. ‘At least – I know that’s what he said. I know he said he had a job on a cruise liner. But given that almost everything else he’s ever told me has been a complete lie, I wondered if that was too.’

  ‘Come on, Abbey.’ Mike moved away from the diners, who were looking at them with undisguised interest. ‘This isn’t the time or the place.’

  ‘It sure is, buddy,’ said Solí. ‘We’re not going anywhere till you tell us what your friend is up to.’

  Mike groaned. ‘Look, I know he feels bad about this, Abbey. But the truth was that the company he was with was having problems and they were letting people go. Cobey knew it was only a matter of time. So when he was offered the job on the liner, it was a no-brainer.’

  ‘But why didn’t he tell me?’ cried Abbey. ‘We were living together, for God’s sake.’

  ‘Yeah, well, he saw it as an opportunity,’ said Mike. ‘To get out and do something new.’

  ‘He was supposed to be setting up a business himself.’ Abbey looked at him in bewilderment.

  ‘But he decided on a new start,’ said Mike. ‘A new life.’

  ‘What was wrong with his life with me?’

  ‘Hey, he loved living with you,’ Mike said. ‘But … well, this was a great chance and so he took it.’

  ‘What liner?’ asked Abbey.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Mike replied.

  ‘Yes you do.’ Solí’s tone was scathing.

  ‘Cobey’s my friend,’ said Mike defensively. ‘But he’s … well, he’s not someone who stays in one place. He likes to move around, likes variety.’

  ‘Likes not answering his phone, too,’ said Vanessa. ‘Least he could do would be to talk to her.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ Abbey spoke abruptly. ‘He’s gone. He’s not coming back. It doesn’t matter.’

  She turned and walked quickly along the pier. Vanessa and Solí glanced at each other and then hurried after her.

  None of them spoke as she continued to stride determinedly through the crowds and then along Jefferson Street, her back straight, her body tense. Eventually, though, Solí caught her by the arm.

  ‘It’s OK, Abbey,’ she said.

  ‘It’s not.’ Abbey turned to her, her eyes glistening. ‘He’s played me for a fool.’

  ‘Men do that,’ said Vanessa.

  ‘No they don’t. They might break up with you, sure, but how many of them leave you a note saying that they’ve got a new job and are never going to see you again?’

  ‘Probably more than you think,’ said Solí. ‘You know they like to take the easy way out.’

  ‘A cruise liner.’ Abbey pressed her fingers to her temples. ‘Why do people always want to get as far away from me as possible?’

  ‘That’s not true,’ said Solí. ‘We’re here.’

  Abbey gave her a watery smile.

  ‘C’mon,’ said Solí. ‘Time for us to get wasted.’

  Abbey didn’t believe that the solution to life’s problems, in particular problems with men, was getting wasted, but she didn’t say no when her friends led her into a bar and ordered a pitcher of margaritas. She was happy to let the alcohol blunt her misery while Vanessa and Solí chanted empowering mantras at her and said that she’d done enough crying over Cobey, who should now be firmly put into the category of stupid-mistakes-I’ve-made-with-men.

  Maybe they’re right, thought Abbey. Maybe everyone has to have at least one shitty break-up. After all, every other time I’ve split with a guy it’s been sort of amicable. I was due a bad deal. Mom would call it character-forming. But dammit, she said to herself as she allowed Vanessa to top up her glass, I thought my character was formed enough as it was. I thought I’d already paid my dues. Only goes to show how wrong you can be.

  She wasn’t sure whether her aching head the next morning was due to the margaritas, or if it was the start of another migraine. When she got out of bed, she poured herself a large glass of juice, took some pills, and decided that she had to deal with her future. The first thing to do was sort out her living arrangements, especially given the issue over the rent. She certainly couldn’t stay in the apartment for much longer – she wasn’t even sure if she should be there now, although nobody had yet come to turf her out. She didn’t know what to do about it, though. Solí had offered to let her stay at her place for a while, but as Solí lived in a studio, that wasn’t a very practical arrangement. Vanessa lived with her younger sister and didn’t have a spare room either. Abbey clamped down on the sudden feeling of panic that washed over her as she tried to form a plan. Until she’d moved in with Cobey, she’d shared a place with two girls who also worked in the beauty industry. She hadn’t been close friends with either of them, but they’d got on well together and she’d been very happy there. It was because she’d enjoyed sharing with Maria and Caitlin so much that she’d never wanted to move in with a boyfriend before. She couldn’t believe that she’d thrown it all away on Cobey Missen. And thrown it away she had, because the girls had rented out her room almost as soon as she’d left. So there was no going back.

  She sighed and checked her Facebook page. No reply from Cobey to her messages (not that she truly expected one), but he’d changed his profile picture to one of him standing on board a ship, the blue sea in the background.

  You should have told me, she said hotly as she stabbed the home button to get rid of the photo. But if you’d told me, then you couldn’t have walked out owing me money. You shit! She was glad that she was angry with him. Angry was better than being miserable.

  She was about to take a shower when her cell phone rang. She didn’t recognise the number and her heart leapt traitorously. Maybe this time it was Cobey. Maybe he had a reason, an explanation for everything. Maybe he hadn’t really cheated her after all.

  Ten minutes later she was shaking. The call hadn’t been from Cobey. It had been from the landlord, reminding her that she had to be out of the apartment by the end of the month and advising her that she would be pursued for the outstanding rent. When she tried to explain that she’d given the money to Cobey, he said that he didn’t care what her arrangements with that douche bag were, he wanted his money and it didn’t matter who he was getting it from.

  Abbey wished she knew how he’d found out about her and got her number. But it didn’t matter. The result was that her worst fears had been realised. Cobey had sold her out and left her to face the music. She was in deep trouble and none of it was of her own making.

  In the end it was Pete, as always, who came to her rescue. Abbey hadn’t wanted to contact him and ask for his help. The way she looked at it, her mom’s ex-boyfriend had eventually moved on with his life and certainly had no obligation towards her, despite the fact that he still kept in touch.

  Abbey was happy that Pete had finally met someone who loved him and wanted to share her life with him, even if she’d been surprised when he’d introduced her to the very glamorous Claudia, who, she thought, was the complete opposite of her own mother. But Claudia suited Pete and he now had a proper family of his own. The couple had two children – Grady, who was twelve, from Claudia’s previous marriage, and Joely, now four, who was their own daughter. Even though Pete regularly asked her to dinner at his stylish house in Sausalito, Abbey strictly limited her visits. She was very conscious that her connection to Pete was tenuous at best, and didn’t want to intrude on the Carusos’ lives. While Claudia was always welcoming, Abbey was never a hundred per cent sure that her reception was as warm as the other woman made it seem. And she couldn’t blame Claudia one bit. She was Pete
’s wife, they had a child together; Abbey was nothing more than a reminder of his past and the other woman in it.

  So, ever since Claudia had appeared on the scene, Abbey had cut back on her time with Pete – the last time she’d seen him had been shortly after she’d moved in with Cobey. And the truth was, they hadn’t parted on the best of terms. Pete hadn’t liked Cobey very much; he’d said that Abbey’s new boyfriend was too cocky for his own good. Abbey’s view was that Pete was being overprotective and that he resented the fact that she’d finally found someone she wanted to be with. Jealous was the word she’d used (and immediately wished she hadn’t). You’re jealous of me having my own life, she’d said to him. Jealous that I don’t need you any more.

  But she needed him now.

  ‘He what!’ Pete had practically bellowed down the phone when she told him what had happened. ‘And you’re being harassed over the rent? That’s a crock of shit, honey. Don’t you worry. I’ll sort it for you.’

  And he had, meeting the landlord, agreeing on a reduced payment for the outstanding rent and getting the deal signed and sealed all within a few hours of her initial phone call.

  ‘Sometimes it’s good to have a lawyer in the family,’ Pete told her afterwards as they had coffee in Union Square, a short walk from his office.

  ‘I know. I can’t thank you enough.’

  ‘Honey, you don’t need to thank me. You know I’m always here for you,’ said Pete.

  Abbey couldn’t speak. She was always trying to prove to him that she could get by without him, but Pete was the one person who never let her down.

  ‘Look, everyone has to cut their teeth on someone who isn’t worth their while.’ Pete took her hand and squeezed it. ‘You came to the party a bit late, Abbey. It’s no big deal.’

  ‘So the girls keep telling me, but it’s big to me.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I’m such an idiot. I thought he was more right for me than any of my other boyfriends, but the truth is, I was totally wrong. How could I be so stupid?’

  ‘Live and learn,’ said Pete cheerfully.

  ‘I gave up so much for him,’ Abbey told him. ‘You didn’t want me to. I should’ve listened.’

  ‘Nobody listens to other people’s advice.’ Pete grinned at her. ‘If they did, we wouldn’t need so many lawyers in the world.’

  She smiled shakily.

  ‘I … there’s something else.’

  ‘What?’

  She hadn’t intended to tell Pete, but now she wanted to admit the full extent of her silliness. ‘I lent him money,’ she confessed.

  Pete said nothing, but she could see his eyes darkening.

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said quickly. ‘I mean, it does because I was so stupid, but … well, it’s only money.’

  ‘I guess if you’re going to make a mistake over a man, you might as well make it big and get it over with,’ said Pete. ‘You need a bit of time out to take stock. So how about this, honey. You move in with us …’

  ‘I can’t do that,’ Abbey said quickly. ‘Thanks for offering, Pete, but I’m not going to mess up your family life.’

  ‘… at the end of the week,’ continued Pete, as though she hadn’t spoken. ‘We’re heading off on vacation then. Three weeks in the Caribbean.’ He made a face. ‘Not that I really want to be out of town for three weeks, but I promised Claudia a long break this year and a promise is a promise. Anyhow, you can house-sit and dog-sit for us, because otherwise we’d have to put Battle into kennels. And I was feeling bad about that.’

  Battle was the family’s enormous but gentle golden Labrador.

  ‘You’d be doing us a favour,’ said Pete. ‘Honestly you would.’

  Abbey looked at him wordlessly. No matter what the problem, Pete would come up with a solution. He was a fixer. He always had been.

  ‘So why don’t you get your stuff together and I’ll drop by the apartment this evening and we can get this show on the road,’ said Pete.

  She nodded slowly. ‘Thank you. I … I don’t deserve you in my life.’

  ‘How many times have I told you to stop selling yourself short?’ he demanded. ‘You deserve the best and you should remind yourself of that over and over.’

  ‘Right.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you, though.’

  ‘You’d manage fine. You’re like your mom. A trouper.’

  ‘I’ve never heard her called that before.’

  ‘She’s a strong woman.’

  ‘Maybe. But I can’t help thinking she let you down, Pete.’

  Pete took her by the hands. ‘You and your mom came into my life when I needed you most,’ he said. ‘Just because things didn’t work out the way I’d hoped doesn’t mean I won’t always love both of you.’

  ‘Please don’t let Claudia hear you say that,’ begged Abbey. ‘She’s your wife and you love her more.’

  ‘I adore Claudia,’ said Pete. ‘You know I do. There’s no need to worry. Love isn’t like a pie, Abbey. It doesn’t have a set number of slices. There’s always enough to go round.’

  ‘You’re beginning to sound like Mom now.’ But Abbey was smiling as they walked out of the café together, and for the first time since Cobey had left, her head wasn’t aching, even if her heart was still sore.

  Chapter 9

  Abbey liked to sing in the shower. Given that she had the sort of voice that wouldn’t have got her past American Idol auditions, the shower was the safest place for her to belt out the Venezuelan joropo music she’d grown up with, as well as the songs from the badly dubbed musicals she’d watched with her mom as a kid. Today, two weeks after her break-up with Cobey, was the first day she’d felt able to sing. And she was passionately informing herself that she was going to wash that man right out of her hair. South Pacific had been one of her mother’s favourites, and she’d regularly sung this particular number when she was giving Abbey her bath as a child, belting out the tune as she lathered the shampoo into her daughter’s long blond hair.

  ‘I’m not sure I’ve entirely succeeded in sending him on his way,’ Abbey murmured as she eventually turned off the water and wrapped herself in a bright yellow towel. ‘But at least I don’t feel like I’m going to burst into tears every few minutes.’ She’d found that talking out loud to herself seemed to help, although she didn’t know why. ‘Anyhow,’ she added, ‘it’s about time I got things into perspective. I’m twenty-eight years old and the worst thing that’s happened to me has been him. At my age, my mom had worked overseas, had a baby, lost her husband and was getting ready to start a new job in Venezuela. By comparison I have it easy. I need to remember that.’

  She gazed unseeingly into the misted mirror in front of her. If things had worked out the way her parents had wanted, it would have been to them that she’d have run when she realised what Cobey had done. Maybe her dad, the tall, rugged, outdoors man she only knew from the single photo her mom had of him, would’ve gone after her missing boyfriend, smacked him in the jaw for hurting his daughter and demanded that he pay her back. And her mom would’ve put her arms around her and told her that there were plenty more fish in the sea. Instead of which, her father had died in Venezuela without ever having seen her, and she didn’t know when, if ever, she’d tell her mother that she’d made a fool of herself over a man.

  She took another towel from the rail and rubbed it briskly over her head. She wore her hair shorter these days and usually allowed it to dry naturally. So instead of using the professional turbo dryer in the drawer, she squeezed some serum from a tube and rubbed it through her damp locks. Then she padded into the bedroom and pulled on a vest top and a pair of baggy trousers before heading to the kitchen and using Pete and Claudia’s gleaming top-of-the-range Nespresso machine to make herself a cup of coffee. She brought the coffee and a pastry she took from the cupboard out on to the first-floor deck.

  The morning view of the bay from the deck never failed to take her breath away. She watched the tip of the Golden Gate Bridge appear and th
en disappear again as the receding fog swirled around it, while the sky grew brighter and brighter as the sun burned away the clouds and mist. And in the distance, she could see the grid of San Francisco itself as it got ready for another day.

  She drained her coffee, then carried her cup and plate back into the kitchen and stacked them in the stainless-steel dishwasher. It was time for her to be part of the day too. Time to start living her life again.

  She took Battle for his morning walk to the bottom of the hill and back, allowing her thoughts to wander skittishly as he tugged at the leash. Then she made sure he was secure in the garden with a bowl of water and another of dried food before letting herself in to Pete’s enormous double garage. His Lexus RX was parked beside Claudia’s convertible, but Abbey wasn’t interested in the cars. She was borrowing Pete’s Honda motorbike, which would get her to the salon in about twenty minutes.

  The bike was Pete’s pride and joy. When he’d first acquired it, Abbey had asked him if he was trying to regain his lost youth. Pete had looked slightly abashed and then said that you were only as old as you felt and he still felt about twenty. He’d offered to give her a ride, telling her that there was nothing like the exhilaration that being on a bike gave you. Abbey had been sceptical, but once she’d had a spin around the streets, she was hooked. She bought herself a full set of biking leathers (she’d once thought that it was the sight of her in full leather gear that had made Cobey think she was the girl for him – he said that she looked unbelievably hot wearing them), and whenever she visited Pete, he would allow her to take the bike for a ride.

  She threw her leg over the saddle, pointed the remote at the garage doors, fired up the bike and set off towards the bridge. Crossing the bridge was her favourite part of the journey. She loved the buffeting of the wind and the buzz of the road stretching in front of her, water below. It was, she thought, the best way to start the day.

  Pete had private parking in his office building and so she left the bike there before walking to the salon, thinking that maybe today was the day her heart would begin mending, because for the first time since Cobey’s desertion she was conscious of the warmth of the sun on her shoulders and she was noticing the people around her and the window displays in the stores again.